The LAST audition show thank god (well sort of)

I am getting really pissed here people. We’ve spent 3 weeks watching bad auditions and they never showed us the majority of the contestants that they sent through! What gives? Are they afraid that people will start picking favorites and it might tip the votes later in the show? NOT POSSIBLE. If so, why do those freaking “scripted” back story segments on certain mobile home challenged contestants? My husband actually thought I was watching Extreme Home Make Over last week. I mean give me a break! Is that the only way they could sell Mr. “I’m a felon… Sorry” to the drooling masses?

Chicago (Shania TWANG)

Ok, so quick recap tonight. Not much new or exciting happened. Overall a pretty typical audition episode. Typical delusional freaks, mediocre community centre review singers and after all that a few good ones (13 out of 12,000.00) made it through to Hollywood. I did love Shania. I think she may have been the best guest judge yet. Have you noticed how relaxed Simon is? He’s a completely different person. Did he hate Paula that much or does he just not give a F anymore??? Are the judges being more particular this year or has American Idol already pulled every talented singer in the country into it’s sticky sticky web and now the remaining dregs are scrapping themselves off the grimy sidewalk and rolling into the Idol auditions? Hmmm. i wonder….

Atlanta auditions (Pants on the Ground)

How cool is Mary J. Blige? Seriously this woman is super smooth. I love her! Some great talent in Atlanta, i’m looking forward to Hollywood week.

Idol express leaves the station: Atlanta to Hollywood non-stop. For some it will be a short visit.

Here are the latest round of hopefuls:

Keia Johnson, Miriam Lemnouni, Noel Reese, Tisha Holland, Jermaine Sellers, Vanessa Wolfe, Holly Harden, Mallorie Haley, Antonio “Skii Bo Ski” Wheeler, Carmen Turner, Bryan Walker

Looking forward to the Ellen/Simon slap fight that WILL HAPPEN. Check out the horrid vitamin water cups!

Bend it Like Boston Auditions Season 9

HELLO IDOL LOVERS! WE’REEEE BAAACCCKKKKKK

Yes, yes, yes. The blog isn’t updated. I know, i know. We’re working on it. For now you’ll have to imagine a beautiful season 9 banner and Ellen’s face plastered over Paula’s.

Can we start by thanking the Idol producers for not punishing us with marathon “retard” audition episodes? I love that we’re launching right into it. Even if these were all filmed last summer. Ok, i said thank you now for god sake PLEASE STOP showing that “MEGAN MULLALLY” open wound of a “Butter flavored spread” commercial during ever break. Oh my god. I actually had to turn away i was so embarrassed.

King Kris

Wow.. I don’t know what to.. WOW! They really threw the kitchen sink in tonight, didn’t they. There’s so much to talk about I don’t know where to start.

Absolute BEST moment of the night? Bikini Girl strutting out on stage with her new enormous fake boobs and Seacrest saying “I was going to ask you what’s new but I think I know”. I almost fell out of my chair. Then Kara comes out singing her ass (watch here) off and rips her dress off! The look on Bikini Girl’s face! What a b-ach!!  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Crazy, right? Kara looks amazing, her bod is smoking hot but I really wish she hadn’t done that. Didn’t Simon rip Kris a new one last night because his performance was “too casual on a night like this at the Nokia”. Come on. Low class people!

Idol Season 8 Cliff Hanger (part 1)

Loved the pacing tonight. No bull shit just singing. I wish they’d done this earlier in the  season.

Adam Lambert - Mad World WOW! A Fog machine and Church chimes? LOL! I’m sorry… It’s kinda over the top.. Hilarious! He’s awesome of course but he sounds like a really fabulous Cher! At least he didn’t scream.. Ok, it was spectacular.

Dude, Paula went kinda crazy at the “Mystic -Tan” salon before the show.. Geez.. i thought the color was off on my TV

Kris Allen - Ain’t No Sunshine. I LOVE this song. He’s awesome. Nice arrangement.

Go Go Gokey Goes Home

Quite the long show tonight and I have to hand it to Fox, the shameless Night at the Museum 2 intro/promo was kinda cute and one of the more entertaining moments tonight. 

Alicia Keys looks amazing, right?! I could not understand a word the little African kid said, but he was super cute.

Jordan Sparks new single sucks, despite her Beyonce style make-over. It really emphasizes how far the contestants have come this season. I’d rather listen to any of this seasons top 5 than have to endure another “Sparks” performance. 

Tags: Adam Lambert, Add new tag, Africa, American Idol, Arkansas, California, Danny Gokey, Elvis, Fox, Glam, Jordin Sparks, Kara, Katherine McPhee, Katie Perry, Kris Allen, Night at the Museum 2, Paula

Choose-A-Pa-Snooza

Why the hell didn’t they have the judges choice last week when there were 4 contestants? 1 for each judge. Hey - You choose to add another judge Idol producer A-holes - now seriously let them freakin’ all do their lame ass jobs. Could it possibly be that Fox didn’t want to pay for 4 people to go home overnight and get parades and local time on Fox news? Give me an F’in break. At .99 a call and 65 million calls, you’re telling me it was just a little too much? GO SUCK IT! I don’t want a Kara/Randy combo song choice. I want 1 for 1.

Tags: Adam Lambert, Africa, American Idol, Bono, Carrie Underwood, Danny Gokey, Fox, idol, Idol Gives Back, judge, Kara, Kris Allen, Paula, Randy, Ryan, Simon, Taylor Hicks, U2

Poor little Allison

The show was all over the place tonight. Paula lip-syncing 80’s dance music her new single, (taped last night), it was a horror. Gwen and the No Doubt boys going old school ska on Idol and blowing out Just A Girl (again taped last night). Slash rockin’ the stage with a crazy guitar solo. It was nuts! The new Daughtry song? Not sure how I’m feeling about it.

Is Kara competing with Paula for worst outfit? She looked like she was wearing an an official Star Fleet uniform.

Simon was bored and Randy needs to snap the hell out of it.

Tags: Adam Lamber, Aleve, Ambien, American Idol, botox, Chris Daughtry, Danny Gokey, Daughtry, Gwen Stefani, Kara Dio Guardi, Kelly Clarkson, Kris Allen, No Doubt, Paula, Randy, Simon, Slash, Star Fleet

Slashed Up Idols

One of two things has happened. Either Slash is officially a has been or Idol has been accepted by heshers and band geeks alike. Could Idol bring peace to the Middle East?

Adam Lambert - Whole Lotta Love.  I don’t exactly know what to say. Half way through this song, I realized that my mouth was hanging open because I’ve never heard ANYONE EVER sing a Led Zeppelin / Robert Plant song and sound half way decent, never mind KILL IT like Adam just did. Forget the fact he went eyeliner crazy and over accessorized his “rock” costume. That was insane…

Tags: Adam Lambert, Allison Iraheta, American Idol, anti-depressants, Danny Gokey, duets, idol, Jimmy Page, Kara, Kris Allen, Led Zeppelin, Paula, Randy, Simon, Slash, Stix

Ding Dong Matt Has Finally Gone…

We’re stepping in for Santorico this morning. She’s still a bit groggy from the Xanax she had to take after last night’s show. Damn thing gave her anxiety.

So for the first time this season, the Idol results show was a shocker. Who’d have thought that hot favorite Adam would be in the bottom 3? And Kris, another front runner to be in the finals also found himself in the bottom 3 for the first time. The happy news is that Matt has finally bit the Idol dust and is out. The comeback kid’s dream finally came to an end last night. We all knew that save would be wasted at some point. Matt now has time to go to personality school. Hopefully he’ll find one there and share it with America some day.

Tags: Adam Lambert, Allison Iraheta, America, American Idol, Carrie Underwood, Danny, Danny Gokey, Fox, idol, Jamie Foxx, Kinicky, Kris Allen, Matt Giraud, Taylor Hicks, Toys R Us, vanilla, Xanax

Not the Old Idol “Standard(s)”

Man this is the best top 5 in Idol history. Every performance was amazing,. Top quality. Think about it. Could Taylor Hicks compete with this group or even Kelly Clarkson? Plus, I love the old standards. What a great catalog to choose from..

Can there really only be 5 left? Oh no! Panic time! I’m going to need those leftover percosets from my last “bad back episode”

Kris Allen - The Way You Look Tonight. This kid is way too smooth. I’m starting to think he planned his attack. What a beautiful rendition. This kid is the perfect package and he’s going to be a huge star!

Tags: Adam Lambert, Allison Iraheta, American Idol, Danny Gokey, idol, Kara, Kelly Clarkson, Kris Allen, Lord, Matt Giraud, Paula, Percoset, Randy, Simon, Singers & Standards, Taylor Hicks, WeHo

So Long Lil and See Ya Noop-Dog

So Lil’s a goner and Noop takes an arrogant bow.  I loved the show tonight, aside from the horrible lip-synching group medley (again), which I have to say was hilarious! And I love that Paula choreographed the whole thing then almost fell off the stage as the Idols made their grand entrance. It really felt like a live messy show tonight, which in my opinion is when Idol is at it’s best. Can I just say right off  the bat? YOU KICK ASS THELMA HOUSTON. I hope I’m half the fire ball that old broad is at her age. She was amazing and that’s literally my favorite disco song. What the hell was up with KC from “KC and the Sunshine band”? That was pathetic! What a mess. And could they drag out the drama a little longer? What was up with David Archeleta? He sounded awful and that song was just hideous! Id rather have an enema than listen to that track again. He’s still the same Mormon Opie he was last year (If you’re Mormon, I apologize but you need to get a new spokesman) . “Golly geee, Ryan It’s just swell”. What a FREAK!!!!

Tags: American Idol, Anoop Desai, David Archuleta, idol, KC, KC & the Sunshine Band, Lil' Rounds, Mormon, Noop Dogg, Paula Abdul, Ryan Seacrest, Thelma Houston

Disco-Schmisco

Ok, so after tonight’s show I’m convinced of two things (here we go Idol conspiracy theorists). 1. Paula is watching the rehearsals, taking notes and having her assistant Google references to the songs each Idol is performing. He/she then writes an articulate critique and rehearses it with her. 2. Adam is paying an industry producer to help choose, arrange and rehearse his songs with him. Not fair to the rest of them you successful theatre dude! Really my friends saw him in Wicked at the Ahmanson Theatre.

Tags: Adam Lambert, Ahmanson Theatre, Allison Iraheta, American Idol, Anoop Desai, Danny Gokey, Groucho Marx, idol, Kris Allen, Lil' Rounds, Mariah Carey, Matt Giraud, Polly Pocket, Wicked

Judges Save Matt

Now can they save the producers from the angry Idol mob forming outside the building and online? Seriously, it’s like when a mega-corporation takes over a small restaurant and makes “improvements” for efficiency and ends up ruining everything that made the place unique and special. Well this is what’s happening to Idol. The Miley performance was taped and the group number was pre-recorded. What the hell is the audience there for exactly? It’s bullshit! You brought in four judges, let them all have a say. This is a goddamn singing contest, so everyone on the show including the superstar guests should have to perform live. No exceptions. We get enough fake crap shoved down our throats on daily basis.

Tags: Allison Iraheta, American Idol, bullshit, Danny, Danny Gokey, disco, idol, Lil, Lil' Rounds, Matt, Matt Giraud, Miley, singing

Idols at the Movies

Ok, you can totally tell they created this theme so Quentin Tarantino’s appearance as guest mentor seemed relevant. NOTTT!!! I have to say, Quentin was cute and way more interesting to watch than some of the other past “mentors”.

How about that 10 minute Quentin Tarantino advertisement reel? Yeah, we can all kiss his ass for 20 minutes but there’s not enough time to hear from all the judges?? The more I think about it the more it pisses me off. Totally unfair to the contestants and audience. We tune in to hear from the judges as much as the contestants. BITE ME!

Tags: Adam Lambert, Allison Iraheta, American Idol, Anoop Desai, Danny Gokey, freakish, idol, Jennifer Hudson, Kris Allen, Lil' Rounds, Matt Giraud, Miley Cyrus, movies, Quentin Tarantino, scream, Seigfried and Roy

The Idols as NBA Playoff Teams

Well as American Idol is winding down, the NBA playoffs are just beginning.  What better way to celebrate the convergence of these two great pastimes than figuring out which Idol contestants match up with which NBA playoff bound teams?

Adam Lambert – The Los Angeles Lakers
Loud and flamboyant, Adam has ”show time” written all over him (as well as “Fabulous” and “Yes, I’ll have another apple martini.”). Regardless, Adam has some serious skills and is ideally suited for a one-man show. Sound familiar? Like the Lakers, Adam loves to entertain a crowd and isn’t afraid to take some risks, ie. Walk the Line with a Slumdog twist. I’m sure even Kobe didn’t know what to think of that one. Expect him to be screeching through The Star Spangled Banner at the Staples Center soon.
Danny Gokey – The Cleveland Cavaliers

Tags: cavaliers, celtics, clippers, hornets, jazz, kobe bryant, lakers, magic, nba, NBA Playoffs, spurs, Staples Center, Star Spangled Banner, top 8

So Long Scott

Well it finally happened. We say goodbye to Scott.

I think they actually sang the group number live this week! THANK THE IDOL GODS! The producers must have noticed the Internet rage and decided that it wasn’t worth it.

That horrible Ford commercial was a tragedy. What the hell were they thinking? And what a disgusting pig of a director…gross!!

Lil and Anoop rounded out the bottom 3 this week and boy were those two sweatin’ it. Paula wore another spectacular get up, Marie Antoinette style. She’s getting crazier by the minute and I love it!

Tags: American Idol, Anoop, blind, Ford, God, idol, Kellie Pickler, Marie Antoinette, Paula, Scott McIntyre

Songs From the Year THEY Were Born

So they’re showing these young adults singing songs I partied too in High School and I’m thinking. How old am I?  Gross. I need some Advil!

Danny Gokey - Stand By Me (1980) Boring. I hated this. What’s happening to Danny? Is he phoning it in?? He’s fading into the background. Could he be on the chopping block tomorrow?

Lil Rounds - What’s Love Got To Do With It (1984) Oh Lil.! She’s lost her confidence and the competition. I think she’s got one more week in her and if she doesn’t blow everyone away. She’s going home. I was really pulling for her too.

Tags: Adam Lambert, Advil, Allison Iraheta, American Idol, Anoop Desai, blind, Danny Gokey, diva, High School, idol, Kris Allen, Lil' Rounds, Matt Giraud, Ms Teen America, Noop Dogg, Scott McIntyre, Simon, Simon Cowell, standing ovation. standing O, Stevie Wonder

How much crap do you know?

We watch the show week in week out. Some of us have been there from the beginning. But how much crap have we really soaked up when it comes to the phenom that is American Idol? Without the assistance of Google, try answering as many Idol trivia questions as possible. Then post and share your scores with the rest of the Cooler gang. Remember…if you cheat…you are only cheating yourself.

1. Let’s start with some recent Idol history. Last year’s winner was David Cook, but who came in third? a) David Archuleta b) Syesha Mercado c) Carly Smithson.

Tags: Carly Smithson, David Archuleta, David Cook, Google, Hollywood, Idol trivia, Ryan Seacrest, Simon, trivia